So according to the internet this is the plight of my generation, of “millennials.” A strange limbo in between school and the real world is becoming more common. Which is comforting in the, ‘at least I’m not alone’ sort of way. But, it doesn’t help the ‘what the heck do I do with myself’ anxiety of living with your parents for the rest of your life.

So I graduated from Penn State with a B.S. in Biology. It was hard, and I was pretty proud of myself. However, my shortsighted former self gave little thought to the future and just sort of winged it. I always wanted to continue my education and was more interested in medicine than research but, it wasn’t until my final semester when I settled on applying to P.A. school. And then it occurred to me, I was missing all the pre-reqs.

So now, I have finally gotten myself in gear. I have taken my missing courses, fulfilled the requisite patient care hours, and have thrown myself fully into the application process. CASPA may as well be my home page.  It turns out also that, applying to school is freaking expensive! Because I recently moved, I have found myself again, unemployed and subsisting from my savings. And also off my way to giving boyfriend who showers me with comfort food and other lovely things (since he has bypassed this awkward stage and is a functioning adult human.) And, naturally, also, my Colombian mother who would let me live with her forever if I wanted. So thankfully I do have a great support system.

BUT, it still sucks. In addition to the pressure of getting a job, coming mainly from the fact that I am getting pretty close to zero dollars, I have anxiety coming from actually getting into grad school. I feel like my particular scenario is even more complicated. All the jobs I have applied for are low level patient care jobs to improve my chances by boosting my experience. However, they are not jobs that I would particularly want for the rest of my life. So, what happens if I don’t end up getting into school???

Sometimes I think I should just look for a job in sales. Or another, stable, office job. This constant state of the unresolved is maddening. There should be a better way than this. I feel like I am wasting away waiting to be told what I can do with my life. Especially when I see classmates of mine that went straight into a career. I’m like, why did no one tell me how to be successful!? And I guess that’s why millennials get a bad rap. I just want to fast forward and know what happens and in which direction I end up.

But until then I am editing and re-editing my applications, considering moving to Europe, and getting into arguments with my mom about the state of my room.